I was talking with my sister on the telephone a few weeks back and we laughed about my love for winter. She told me it was because I was such a hopeless romantic. A feeler. That it gave me the opportunity to stay inside and feel myself. I appreciated the insight. She sees far beyond seeing. It was true. This winter has been giving me a lot of opportunities to feel into the places that had been long forgotten.
I gave way to remembering the places that deeply desire for the kind of connection I imagine only the rose bush feels as the sun pulls away. Pulling towards the places that have been neglected. The deep dry roots buried beneath the earth, withering but holding on in support of the branches. To the places that have been over-extended and begging for mercy. I give way. Mercy for what lies far out of control. I give way. Mercy for the parts that ache and pain. I give way. Mercy for the begging. I give way. Mercy for what must lie to earth. I give way. And I lie there. In Surrender. I lie there. Giving way with deep exhalation. Letting myself empty. I let myself empty. Deeper than I have before.
I give way.
and it is within that mercy that I find myself receiving.
I find myself fed.
Winter's last coat; WHITE LIGHT, slowly sinking into my bones. I will wait here for her to come calling and I TRUST that she WILL. Transform me.
I was talking with my sister on the telephone a few weeks back and we laughed about my love for winter. She told me it was just who I was and that I have always been this way. A feeler. It was true. This winter has been giving me a lot of opportunities to remember.